Hello world! ¡Hola! ¿Como va?

20151113_151648-1So much to say and never enough time to actually sit and write all of the thoughts that float about my head…

Who am I? The easy answer is a 50-year-old Costa Rican-Nicaraguan-Native-American citizen of the United States of America. That definition cover age, the Mom’s country of origin, my Dad’s country of origin, then my DNA description of being 40% Meso Native-American (that means from Central America) and then the country of birth.

And, as I said earlier, that’s the easy part.  I’m a bit more complicated than that as we all are.20150726_144342

Today I want to say “Hola amigos” to you all. My husband Carlos and I have founded a non-profit that aids military families who have had a loss due to suicide, military siblings and empowers military families to do something about suicide.  Foundation work has been in my head over 40+ hours this week. Meetings, planning, working with the treasurer of the foundation, board members, agencies we collaborate with and learning more day by day. It’s very exciting.

I am also a survivor in more ways than one. Most recently and notably, I bore witness to the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. I knew almost immediately that the bombing impacted my brain. I felt that I could no longer concentrate and, I would have (and still do) have flashbacks of the events that occurred that day. I get fearful in crowded places and PLEASE, no firecrackers or pyrotechnics near me since I may void my bladder!

Since 2013, I have sought aid with professionals. However, I would have to say that the time away from a 9 to 5 job for additional sleep, exercise, eating well and spending time at home with my husband and my dogs (now dog since I lost my Chica) have provided much needed support.20151022_153435

I love to garden, though in my opinion, I don’t dedicate enough time. I love the flowers and the feeder that attracts the neighborhood birds every day, watering the plants and the nice weather as we all do. These are my meditative moments. Dog walking with my wonderful canine Buddy and the late Chica have aided in my grounding myself.

I have struggled with depression my whole life. With the help of daily exercise and since recuperating from the bombing, I have a great deal of energy. The foundation is a great outlet for my mental strength and activity.

My husband also struggles with post traumatic stress.  He helped out the victims of the bombing, many of whom were horribly injured.  He also suffers from pretty bad hearing loss as a result as well.

20151023_171054I do believe in God and am a member of the Catholic church. My true religion is peace, justice and activism which is in many ways an extension of Jesus’s message.  Don’t just pray! Do Christian works or in my words help out the lesser fortunate and love thy neighbor.  The word Christian could be changed for Jewish, Muslim, Native American, Buddhist, etc. You get the point.  I think the way to let one’s life pass by that is most truly depressing is to live a life not helping others directly.

Yesterday, I was at a meeting with many people who had experienced the suicide of their loved ones.  There was one man who is a refugee.  Those from his country suffered in refugee camps for 20 years.  So many are now almost permanently depressed and attempting suicide.  Many have died.  I was near tears as this man told his and the story of his people.20151124_164826_001

To not have the opportunity to live some sort of freedom within one’s life is a terrible sadness.  I am unable to go regular zoos or see animals in cages.  After a long period of time, these beautiful animal beings become sick mentally because of their confinement.  That is what my long years of depression and grief have been life.  Currently, I am in a respite period enjoying, prospering emotionally and loving the tiny joy of a sparrow eating seeds in my front yard.  When I am unable to see the birds, that’s when I know I’m in a bad state.

Have a lovely evening!  There is a harvest moon tonight. I must go see it now.

BTW, I love taking pictures…These are all mine, the good and the not so much…

About BigBalloonReadyToFly

I often feel like a balloon ready to fly off this big blue marble! I openly write about depression and post traumatic stress. Born & raised in NYC from a Costa Rican family. I have ongoing medical condition that has caused me to experience 50+ bone fractures. I stopped counting at 50. It's called Osteogenesis Imperfecta. I attended a school for the disabled prior to mainstreaming. I moved to Boston in 1983 for college and soon after became involved in local union and community politics as well as a peace activist. My high points have been my marriage, my step-motherhood and re-connecting with my Papa as an adult. Since 2004, I have experienced much grief due to the deaths of my stepsons and parents. I am a witness and survivor of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing. I write prose and poetry in both English and Spanish. I live with my dog Sugar in Roslindale, MA.
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